The Elephant in the Room
by Bonesfan1
Summary: Set after Season 5 premiere, Brennan wonders if Booth still thinks about having a baby...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer - I don't own the show or the characters, so please don't sue!

This is my first Bones fiction, please let me know if you want me to continue or if i should stick to reading other people fiction!

Set after season 5 premiere, no specific spoilers past this episode.

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Watching Booth interact with Parker, Temperance Brennan wondered again exactly how much Booth remembered from before his operation. Since returning to work, no mention had been made of Brennan's decision to have a baby, both of them acting as if it had never been an issue.

Currently in the middle of a game of cards, it was obvious to her that Booth was letting Parker win, she figured this was another one of those times that she was learning it was ok to not be 100% honest. For all his tough guy exterior, Booth let down all his defences when he was with Parker, and it was clear to anyone who saw them that Parker adored his dad.

Sitting by Booth's hospital bed for four days, feeling completely helpless, unable to eat or sleep, she'd finally understood why people believed in religion. Her whole belief system was based on science, but there was nothing that science or medicine could do, the doctors had told her that all they could do was hope for the best.

Hope had always been more of Booth's speciality than hers. She'd spent the time working on her next book, focusing on the characters so that she didn't have to deal with her emotions in the real world. It reminded her of the time when her parents disappeared, the hours spent waiting, feeling like someone had kicked her hard in the stomach, coming across as distant to others but remaining alert for every sound that might mean that this nightmare could finally be over.

Booth had increasingly infiltrated into her life, both professionally and personally. She hadn't realised how much she'd come to rely on him until he wasn't there anymore, with him in the hospital bed she felt more alone than she'd ever felt before. She missed their heated discussions, the way he'd smile at her and make her feel like there was nobody else in the room, she even missed the way he made a point out of invading her personal space. All the things that had infuriated her when they first started working together were the things she missed most now.

She couldn't even begin to explain the felling she got when he came out of the coma and didn't recognise her. She'd been unable to speak, torn between relief that he was finally awake, and feeling crushed that he could forget her. The rational side of her brain knew that it was a side effect of the tumor and surgery, but somewhere deep inside all she could feel was hurt.

She'd left the hospital as soon as the doctors arrived, arranging the flight to Guatemala on the cab ride home, unable to process the emotions that were swirling through her highly developed brain. She'd managed to call Angela to ask her to pass the message to the rest of the team that Booth was awake, and to let Cam know that she was taking annual leave with immediate effect. She didn't tell her that Booth hadn't recognised her, unable to risk voicing it aloud because then it would seem more real. Angela had been furious with her, unable to understand why Brennan could even comprehend leaving at a time like that, but knowing that once Brennan's mind had been made there was no changing it.

For six weeks she'd focused entirely on her work, keeping all communication with the Jeffersonian to a minimum. From the emails she'd been copied in on she knew that Booth was out of the hospital and on the road to recovery. She kept her cell phone switched off, avoiding as much contact with DC as possible. She'd received one email from Booth, making fun of Sweets and the brain games he was using to help with Booth's amnesia. She'd read the email at least a dozen times, trying desperately to read between the lines. He'd addressed her as Bones, but she couldn't tell if this was because he remembered that as the name he called her, or if someone had told him to use the name.

She knew he'd be hurt by it, but despite sitting in front of her laptop a thousand times, she'd been unable to send a reply, which even she knew was ironic seeing as she was a published author. But the books she wrote were fiction, she expressed emotions that belonged to someone else.

In the months leading up to the brain tumor, she'd been spending more time with Booth outside of work, going to his ice hockey games, spending the whole night skating, late night takeaways. She'd begun to think that things might be leading somewhere, she knew she felt closer to Booth than ever before and had hoped that he reciprocated the feelings. But the moment he woke up from the coma and didn't even know who she was, she felt like all that had been taken away from her.

By the time she arrived back in D.C, she's managed to put a brave face on things. She'd spent six weeks metaphorically rebuilding the brick wall to keep her feelings hidden, becoming more like person she'd been before Booth came into her life. Running into him again that first case since the tumor, she'd felt awkward around him, unsure how to act or speak to him, and it was clear that the feelings were mutual. He'd reassured her that the amnesia was gone, that his memories were all back to normal, and to the untrained eye she might have believed him. It was the small things that gave it away, the plain black socks, the way he favoured the other side of his body, the standard issue FBI black suit.

Gradually over time she'd began to relax around him again – things weren't quite back to the way they were, but for the first time since the tumor she'd begun to feel like they were well on their way to being themselves.

Yet she still hadn't broached the topic of having a baby. After all of the confusion and hurt she'd gone through over the last six months, she wasn't even sure if she still wanted to have a child. The person she'd normally talk to about things like this, who'd help her understand and translate her heart instead of her head, was the one person who she couldn't talk to.

She was distracted from her thoughts by a sudden squeal of laughter from Parker, who was being pinned on the ground by Booth as he attacked Parkers stomach with his hands.

'Daddy! Stop, it tickles!' Parker could barely talk through the laughter, doing his best to wriggle free him Booths much stronger position. 'Help me Dr Bones!'

Looking across the room at the two Booth boys, she knew she wasn't able to resist either one of them. Booth had his back to her so didn't see her sneak up behind him and reach for his arm. Fifteen years of martial arts training meant she knew exactly how to take him down, twisting his arm behind his back before pinning him to the ground underneath her.

'Quick Parker, aim for his feet!' Parker let out another squeal of delight as he turned the tables on his dad and began tickling him back.

Brennan made eye contact with Booth for the first time since she'd tackled him, silently daring him to fight back. 'Now remember what you've always taught Parker, no fighting with girls Booth.' She knew her words would infuriate him, but also that he would set a good example to Parker and resist the urge to fight back.

As Parkers tickling efforts increased, she began to notice Booth squirming underneath her, trying unsuccessfully to escape from the two pronged attack. Without thinking, she pushed her lower body harder onto Booth, trying to still his movements. It only took a split second to realise the position she had put them in, her whole body pressed tightly along the length of his, so close she could feel this rise and fall of his chest. She couldn't prove it, but she was sure she heard his breath catch and his breathing quicken when he realised exactly where she was touching.

Momentarily forgetting Parker was in the room, Brennan couldn't focus on anything but the feel of him against her and the way he was looking at her, trying to speak with his eyes. In the movies, this would be the point that they'd kiss, but she knew that Booth didn't feel that way about her. Every cell in her body was telling her to lean down and kiss him, but her subconscious took control and wouldn't allow her to set herself up for such a fall.

She was brought back to reality by Parker, who'd abandoned his position and was now crouched to the side of their faces. 'Eww, are you two going to kiss now?'. Brennan got to her feet immediately, straightening out her clothes and purposely avoiding eye contact with Booth and Parker.

'Parks, how many times have I told you that me and Dr Bones are not boyfriend and girlfriend?' She'd heard the words a hundred times before, everyone they ever worked with seemed to think they were a couple, but hearing it just then gave her that same pain in her chest that she'd felt when she realised Booth didn't know who she was. 'How about we go get something to eat now?' Just like his dad, Parkers face lit up at the thought of food.

'Can we have pancakes? Please?' Not getting an immediate answer from his dad, Parker looked at them both with the same sad eyes Booth used when he wanted to get his own way. 'Please Daddy, can we go get pancakes. Dr Bones, tell my dad its ok and that pancakes will help me grow into a big strong boy!'

Despite the fact that she knew there was no scientific link whatsoever between the consumption of pancakes and the release of growth hormones, Brennan was unable to resist the pleading look on Parkers face. He shared so many of the same characteristics and traits as his father, one of which being a skill in getting his own way! 'Well, I can't see what harm it will do. Booth?' She looked up at Booth for the first time since she'd removed her body from his, and laughed at seeing him hold his hands up in surrender.

'Fine, but only if Dr Bones comes with us'.

It hadn't been part of the plan for her to spend the whole evening with them, she knew how precious little time Booth got with Parker and she didn't want to intrude any further than she already had. She opened her mouth to protest but was immediately silenced by Booth's finger.

'No arguing. Its what Parker wants'. Brennan looked down at Parker, who was nodding his head in agreement with a huge grin on his face, and she knew it was pointless to argue. Taking Parkers hand in hers, she smiled back, nodding her acceptance.

'Fine. But I'm paying.' With both Booth boys smiling broadly at her, she knew she was powerless to resist.

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Feedback would be much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all those who put this on story alert and left reviews!

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Within the hour they were sat in a booth at IHOP, once again at Parkers request. Brennan had always avoided the place in the past, preferring independent restaurants like the Royal Diner and the Founding Fathers, but she was quickly coming to learn that Parker had inherited Booth's powers of persuasion.

Parker's face lit up the moment the waitress returned to the table with the biggest stack of pancakes Brennan had ever seen. She'd even been convinced to pass on her usual choice of salad and allowed herself to tuck in to the pancake stack, enjoying watching the boys fight over who was stealing all the good pieces.

'Dr Bones?' Parker looked across the table at her, syrup smeared all around his mouth. 'Why don't you eat the bacon, it's the best part!'

'I'm a vegetarian,' the vacant look on his face told her that he didn't understand fully what that meant. 'That means that I object to animals being ki..' She was stopped by a soft kick to her shin from Booth's direction. She looked at him for some clarification, trying to figure out why it was that Booth didn't want her to finish her sentence.

'What she means is that she doesn't like the taste of meat.' Booth was looking at her in that way he had that suggested he was trying to tell her something with his eyes, but once again she wasn't sure what it was.

'Well that's partly correct, but it's also…' She felt Booths foot connect with her leg again – obviously he didn't want her to continue with the sentence.

'Bones!' This time Booth was shaking his head at her, once again amazed that someone with as high an IQ as Bones could be so oblivious at times. 'How about we go and get washed up Parker?'

Booth and Parker excused themselves from the table and headed in the direction of the bathroom. The waitress, a late middle aged woman who seemed to have a permanent smile on her face, came over to clear the dishes.

'Excuse me for interrupting ma'am, but you guys must be the happiest family I've had in here for as long as I can remember!'

Brennan opened her mouth to correct the waitress, acknowledging to herself that it was a reasonable assumption for any spectator to make, but Booth's words sprang to mind, his insistence that there was more than one type of family. Today she'd felt like part of a family, and she was surprised at how content it made her feel. Knowing there was no way to explain the situation, she simply smiled back, happy to play along with the illusion.

As Parker needed to be dropped off at Rebecca's straight after dinner, Booth had driven them to the restaurant. After paying the check and leaving, Parker took Brennan's hand in his own, leaning into her side as he let out a big yawn.

'Can Dr Bones sit in the back with me?' She was used to sitting up front next to Booth, but couldn't see any reason to deny Parker's request. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, which had been becoming more frequent recently with the science lessons once a week after school, and she'd also noticed that Booth seemed to be dropping by more often on weekends when he had Parker. She climbed into the back of the car, sitting in the middle seat at Parker's insistence. Parker climbed in next to her, buckling himself in before curling his body into Brennan's side. Her arm automatically reached around his shoulders, tucking him in closer, surprised at how natural it felt.

Booth had barely pulled out of the parking lot before Parker dropped off. Brennan smiled to herself, observing how peaceful he looked, like he genuinely didn't have a care in the world.

It was only a short drive to Rebecca's house, which was made in silence except for the radio playing quietly in the background. She'd noticed that there'd been more silences between them recently, not because they didn't have anything to say to each other, but because they didn't feel the need to fill the silences with small talk. Small talk had never really been her thing, and a lot of the time when she did try to start a conversation, it ended up with them bickering over their differences of opinion. Like the time when she'd compared Jesus to a zombie, or when they'd got into a debate as to what constitutes a sport. Even in the times when they did end up bickering, it wasn't like when she fell out with Cam or Sweets, she knew that neither she nor Booth would seriously take offence.

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Somewhere along the drive she'd drifted off, resting her head on top of Parker's, who'd managed to sleep for the entire drive, and showed no signs of stirring even now.

Booth stood there and looked at them for a few seconds before moving, attempting to remove Parker with as little distruption as possible. His hand reached down to unfasten the seat belt, unintentionally rubbing up against the side of Brennan's thigh as he did so. She stirred slightly in her sleep, lifting her head up off Parker's, but didn't wake up.

He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he'd been stealing glances at them in the rear view mirror as he'd drove, feeling his heart swell with pride looking at how relaxed Parker was with Bones and vice versa. He'd thought back to when he'd first started working with Bones, the person she was back then would never have welcomed such contact or let down her defences enough to do something as intimate as fall asleep together.

Parker continued to amaze him each day, growing in confidence and character. He did the best he could to try to make sure that Parker would grow as good a person as he could be, which he knew was difficult when he only had limited access rights. He had confidence in Rebecca, trusting that she had Parkers best interest in mind. Things weren't always easy between them, but he admired Rebecca as a mother, and Parker was living proof that they were going a great job.

His job didn't make things easy, it wasn't a typical nine to five, but he did his best to make it to as many of the important events that he could, the parent teacher meetings, softball games, birthday parties. He refused to be a part time parent, he knew his job as a dad was full time even if Parker wasn't living with him.

He couldn't imagine not being involved in Parker's life, the thought that any parent could have nothing to do with their child made him feel sick to his stomach. The complete unconditional love he'd felt the second Parker was born would never go away, no matter what. It had been touch and go for a while a few years back, with Rebecca being difficult about access, and he knew he'd never be able to not play an active role in his child's life.

Which is why he'd had to turn down Bones' request for him to be a donor. He still couldn't get his head around the whole idea, firstly that Bones wanted to have a baby, then she wanted his baby, but without him playing a role in the child's life. He couldn't deny that he'd felt pride that she'd chosen him, making him wonder if maybe she was trying to hint that she wanted more than their 'partnership', but her insistence that he have no involvement other than as a donor was his stumbling block. He knew that as long as there was breath in his body, he would never be able to take a backseat.

He'd wanted to explain it to her, to let her know that it wasn't an outright rejection, but then there was all the drama with the brain tumor and coma and amnesia, followed by her running halfway across the world so that she didn't have to face his rejection.

Neither of them had raised the topic since they'd started working together again, and he could honestly say he had no idea where she stood on the topic. His feelings towards her since the coma had been confusing to say the least, his heart was telling him that he loved her, but there was that part of his brain that kept on going back to the scans Sweets had shown him, trying to prove that his feelings weren't real, that they were just a side effect of the surgery that would fade over time. Booth knew how inexperienced Bones was when it came to emotional connections, despite the many sexual relationships that she seemed to insist on parading in front of him, and he needed to be sure of his feelings before he could even think of acting on them.

Looking at her, arm wrapped protectively around Parker, his heart over-ruled his head again and he felt another surge of love for her, another of many he'd felt recently, but he knew he'd be too chicken to act on it again.

He managed to get Parker out of the car without waking him or Bones. This was always his least favourite part of his week, having to say goodbye, and he was torn between wanting to wake Parker to get an extra few seconds with him or leaving him to sleep. Rebecca had opened the door before they even made it up the path, silently taking Parker from his arms. He couldn't help but feel empty, switching onto autopilot as he exchanged messages and plans for the next week with Rebecca.

He returned to his car, leaving Bones asleep in the back, and reached for his cell phone. He quickly sent a text to Sweets, both not wanting to risk waking her by talking, and unwilling to risk getting dragged into psychology mumbo jumbo. It had been months since the operation, and he knew he wasn't quite the same as before, but the feelings he was having were increasing, not getting less. It was time for another brain scan to show him if it all was just another figment of his imagination.

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Brennan woke up to find Booth was already pulling into her parking bay. She looked around confused for a while, still caught somewhere between sleep and waking, feeling cold on her side where Parker had been. She didn't remember dropping off, and was fairly surprised and embarrassed that she'd fallen asleep, as over the last few months sleep had become increasingly difficult to obtain. She glanced at her watch and saw it was still fairly early, and debated with herself whether to invite Booth in.

'Coffee?' She blushed to herself when she remembered that Angela had recently explained to her that when people invited a member of the opposite sex in for "coffee", it was a euphemism for sex, which she found slightly ridiculous. She'd never had a problem being honest in the past – if she was inviting someone in for sex, she made that perfectly clear without having to make up some excuse.

Booth simply grinned in response, getting out of the car and opening the rear passenger door before she got the chance. As he placed his hand on her lower back to guide her back to her apartment, she liked the feeling that she was finally home.

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TBC - feedback would be greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note – I still don't own the show, and thanks to everyone for their support and feedback.

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They settled into a comfortable silence in front of her newly acquired TV, coffees in hand, Booth happy with the remote. Not being a big fan of television herself, Brennan had reached for some old anthropology journals to look through. It might not be everyones idea of a relaxing time, but as she sat there, journal in one hand, coffee in the other, and Booth sharing the sofa with her, she felt more at peace than she had in a long time. They'd started off on opposite sides of the sofa, but as they each made themselves more comfortable, they'd unconsciously migrated closer, with their sock clad feet occasionally touching.

She thought back to the x-ray she'd seen of Booth's feet. He'd never mentioned it since that day, not that he'd gone into much detail in the first place, evidence of physical scars and breaks to go alongside all the emotional scars she knew still tormented him at night. He did his best to keep it from her and everyone else, but she knew him well enough to know how affected he was by the things he'd seen and done.

She finished a particularly interesting article on the remains found at a dig in New Zealand that had the potential to reinvent the anthropological history of the area. Getting up from the sofa with a big stretch, she reached for Booth's cup, heading to the kitchen for a refill. Booth was absorbed by the TV, barely glancing at her as she walked by.

She took her time making the drinks, adding just a hint of cream to Booth's, discreetly glancing over at him out of the corner of her eye every now and then. The film he was watching had cut to a commercial break and he'd reached for her pile of journals. She prepared herself for the inevitable comment she knew would be coming her way, usually something along the lines of where all the comics were.

It still amazed her how far they'd come over the course of their partnership. She thought back to when they'd first worked together, when she'd sworn that as soon as the case was finished she'd never worth either with Booth or the FBI again. She'd mistaken his confidence for arrogance, his chivalry for being patronising. She had fully intended never to speak to him again, preferring the predictability and rationality of the lab to working out in the field. Luckily for her, she didn't end up with a choice about working with Booth again, she couldn't even imagine how different her life would be if Dr Goodman hadn't made it expressly clear that her opinion didn't matter.

The Dr Temperance Brennan she'd been then would never have felt comfortable with Booth making himself at home in her lounge, spending their free time together alongside the majority of their working day.

She finished making the drinks, looking back across the room. She noticed the change in him straight away, he was sat bolt upright, papers in hand, the color visibly drained from his face.

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He honestly hadn't intended to go snooping. Bored by the commercials, he'd resorted to flicking through the magazines Bones had left. They held no particular interest to him, Bones wasn't they type of person to buy EW or People magazine, the only books and magazines he could find were all research journals. He estimated that he understood around every other word, and in his opinion there were nowhere near enough pictures to illustrate the story. He hadn't expected the letter to fall out from between the pages. He opened his mouth to get her attention, but as his eyes glanced the letterhead, his words caught in his throat. _Fairfax Cryobank, Artificial Insemination Specialists_. His eyes automatically went to the date, noting that the letter was fairly recent. He knew he should just put the letter back and pretend he hadn't seen it, but the little devil on his shoulder was back, along with the sudden pain he felt in his chest, and he silently unfolded the page. It looked like a mass mailing, which gave him a little bit of relief, but on the other hand he felt his chest constrict again when he saw that it was a list of potential donors, broken down into categories based on physical attributes.

He was a 'heart' man, but even he couldn't comprehend or understand the thoughts and feelings that were coursing through his brain. The possibility that Bones may still be considering having a baby, using a sperm bank… the thought along made him fight the urge to be sick. For all he knew she'd already started the process, she could even be pregnant already, choosing the anonymous option of a sperm bank after he'd turned down her proposal.

Unable to think clearly, he fumbled with the letter, trying to hide the evidence, praying that the old adage out of sight out of mind may give him a bit of relief. His fingers shook as he tried to refold the letter, dropping it onto the floor beneath his feet.

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'Booth?' Brennan had made her way across the room, filled with concern as to what might be wrong. She watched as he dropped a piece of paper to the floor, and she leaned forward to pick it up for him. 'Booth, what's wrong?'

He looked up at her, giving her the smile she'd come to know was fake. It didn't reach his eyes, even with what little psychology training she'd had she could read in his eyes that he was frightened and hurt. Glancing down at the paper in her hand, she suddenly realised what had spooked Booth.

'This isn't what it looks like…' Usually so fluent, she found herself at a loss for words. She'd been receiving the letters for months, since she fist came up with the idea of having the baby. Her doctor knew she wasn't in a relationship and had referred her details to a sperm bank that he'd recommended, despite her insistence that she would rather choose a donor personally.

She genuinely hadn't intended to keep the letter, not recalling leaving it in the journal. But it wasn't so much the letter that was bothering her; it was the look on Booth's face, and the discussion that she knew was coming.

Booth still hasn't spoken, preventing eye contact by focusing intently on a spot on the floor. She lifted the journal out of his hand, taking a seat next to him, unsure why she felt that she had to try and explain this. The rational side of her brain knew that she hadn't technically done anything wrong, but something inside her was telling her that she needed to fix this. She guessed this was one of the gut reactions Booth was always talking about. She knew that it wasn't physically possible, but she'd felt as if the ground had shifted beneath both of their feet.

Her hand reached out to the side of his jaw, turning his head to face her. She could see the muscle twitching in his jaw, something she'd seen countless times before when he was trying to contain hurt and anger.

'Booth, this letter doesn't mean anything.' From the look that crossed his face, she knew what her statement wasn't true, not in his eyes at least. 'I swear to you Booth, when I told you I wasn't going to have a baby, I wasn't lying. This letter means nothing, it's just a mailing list letter.'

She couldn't deny the feeling she got when she repeated aloud that she wasn't going to have a baby. She'd made a point of not discussing it with anyone, not wanting to say the words aloud because then they seemed more real. She felt the squeezing of her heart that she'd once mistakenly referred to as being heartbroken. Seeing as she'd never really planned on having a child, it surprised her how much her feelings had changed. She'd spent years firmly denying Booth's arguments that she'd need a child in order to truly understand the nature of love, only to wake up one morning with a different opinion. She'd contained it well, but when Booth agreed to be the donor, she'd felt like all the pieces were finally coming together, only for it all to be torn apart again. When he'd broken down and told her that he couldn't have a baby and not be part of its life, she hadn't been lying when she'd told him that she wouldn't have a baby then; if Booth wasn't comfortable being the donor, there was nobody else, no other option.

'It's ok Bones, it's really none of my business.' She didn't recognise the look on his face or tone of this voice. He started to get up from the sofa, once again looking anywhere but her eyes. 'I think I should head back home.'

She immediately reached out her arm to still him, hurt but the coolness of his voice, but more so by his words. 'Of course it's your business Booth, you're my….' She couldn't think of the right word to try and convey the relationship they had. They were partners, but they were more than that, even she knew that they have more of a connection than your typical FBI partnership. She reached level with him, standing face on, her hand still resting on his arm. 'I need you to believe me on this.'

Her brain was still trying to figure if it meant anything that he'd been so hurt by the letter, in theory since he'd been the one who had turned down her proposal, he couldn't object to her using an alternative source. She tried to think what Booth would say if this was just a case they were working on, what conjecture he would come out with to explain the situation.

'I think we need to talk.' She pulled on his arm, sitting him back down on the sofa, trying to explain away the feeling she had that suggested that the next five minutes had the possibility of changing their partnership forever.

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TBC

As always, feedback if appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay in updating, real life got in the way.

Thanks to everyone who's left reviews or put this on story alert, it really does make my day! Again, feedback is much appreciated, good or bad.

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'I think we need to talk…'

Seeing as it had been her idea to finally have the conversation she knew they'd both been putting off for months, she had no idea how to start. She'd opened her mouth to speak at least fifteen times, but hadn't got as far as a single word. Booth had remained seated next to her, sat rigidly in the corner of the sofa as far away from her as physically possible.

She could count on one hand the amount of times she'd been truly lost for words. With science there were undeniable facts, formulas and reasoning, she'd always known exactly where she stood with science. But science failed her on this one, there were no set rules or points of reference to help her try to understand the emotions she was feeling.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact time that she had noticed that her feelings for Booth had gone beyond the typical partner relationship. Even back on their early cases, when they spent more time bickering than having a civilised conversation, she'd known that deep down there was no venom in his words, and as quickly as an angry word had been spoken, they found a way to move past it and grow closer. Sure there'd been a few times where their friendship had been put to the test, times when it had taken hard work to try to repair the damage made by a careless word or miscommunication, but they'd been able to move on and plaster over the cracks.

She remembered a conversation she'd once had with Angela, not long after her and Hodgin's had broken up, when Angela had told her that the more we loved someone, the greater capability that person had of causing us pain. She'd agreed with Angela on this comment, adding it to her arsenal of reasons to shun close emotional relationships.

When she'd thought Booth was dead, the pain she felt was enough to make her physically sick, not that she'd shown it to anyone. For days she'd been leading a double life, working on auto pilot at the lab, putting on a brave face, then going home to her empty apartment and breaking down.

The relief she'd felt at his funeral when she found out he wasn't dead was short lived, taken over by a fury stronger than any she'd ever known before. It had taken her a while to get over it, but his actions since that day had shown her that she could trust him, that he would move heaven and earth before he would willingly leave her.

She knew she'd hurt him too, especially with the incident with Jared. As she'd explained to him in her speech at his birthday drinks, her head had been swayed by the excitement of Jared, confusing her and clouding her judgment of the situation. She'd known deep down in her heart that the spin Jared was putting on Booth's actions was wrong, but she'd allowed herself to get swallowed up in it, falling for Jared's misinterpretations. She still felt sick when she thought about the pain that had flashed across Booth's face when she hadn't answered his question, letting him think that she thought he was a loser. Booth was obviously a better person than she was, forgiving her for her lack of trust in him instead of holding it against her.

He always forgave her, letting things slide instead of holding a grudge, putting his feelings aside for the greater good. She could see he was trying to do it now, even for someone who usually despised psychology, his body language was clear for even her to see. His posture was rigid, his jaw set tight, his breathing coming in deep even breaths. She knew this was a sign that he was trying to remain calm, but his eyes were the giveaway. She'd only managed to get a brief glimpse of them, but she recognised the pain in them the same way he'd looked all those months ago when he'd told her about his fathers drinking problem.

Something inside her was telling her she needed to speak soon, before he closed off completely and put this discussion in the past before they'd even had chance to discuss it. 'Booth…' He showed no response to her voice, so she reached out to place her hand on top of his, which was clasped firmly onto the cup is his hand. Her actions must have startled him, as she felt him flinch the second she made contact.

'I wanted a baby on the basis that you were going to be the father. I know now that this isn't an option, and as there is nobody else that I would want to father my child, I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to have children.' Ever the rational scientist, she managed to keep her tone neutral, not conveying the deep emotions each word caused her to feel, or the lump that was forming at the back of her throat.

Booth took a long time weighing up his response to her argument, trying to juggle his own mass of thoughts and feelings, and the ones he knew must be going on in her mind.

'This isn't an experiment Bones, you can't apply a scientific hypothesis to a decision like this. A few months ago you sat before me and told me that you wanted a child. That feeling can't have just gone away Bones, I saw it in your eyes that it wasn't just a passing comment or an urge, you truly wanted to be a parent. I can't let you give that up because of me.' He looked across to her in what felt like the first time in hours, watching her take his words in. Her face was subtlety betraying her in the way that only he would recognise, showing him that his words were true, even though he would bet his last dollar that she'd deny it. 'Don't even try to argue with me on this one Bones. Being a parent is the most rewarding and inspiring things you will ever do, and I can't be the reason that you're denied those things. I know you think that love is just a hormonal imbalance, but I promise you, when you look into the eyes of your child for the first time, you'll know that love is so much more than that.' He took his time planning his next sentence, torn between saying what he wanted to say and what he needed to say, knowing that no matter how brave a face he put on, it was going to change things between them. 'I think you should use a sperm bank.'

She felt like someone was squeezing her hard in the chest, making it difficult to breathe. She knew what it must have taken for him to say those words to her, the sacrifice he'd made in his mind. He'd made his feeling perfectly clear all those months ago that using a clinic was a bad idea, but here he was giving her the green light, when it was the last thing on her mind. She managed to take a deep breath in, strengthening her resolve that they were finally going to discuss what Sweets had called the elephant in the room with them.

'I'm not going to use a sperm bank Booth. When you were in your coma, I had a lot of time to think, and I realised that you were right. My reasons for choosing you as a donor were primarily based on genetics, but it was also because of who you are and the traits that I would want my child to have. And that's where I was wrong Booth, because personality traits have little grounding in science, things like bravery and kindness are things that parents teach children, not things that are passed down in DNA. I don't have the skills to teach a child how to be a good person Booth, it would be selfish of me to try and single-handedly raise a child.' She let her words settle between them for a while, working up the courage to continue. 'I've come to realise that if I was to have a baby, I would need for the father to be involved every step of the way...'

He sat there in shock unable to comprehend the words she was saying. There was always so much subtext in their words, hidden meanings and questions left unspoken, but he was completely as a loss as to what she was telling him. She was looking up at him, waiting for his response, her eyes flashing bright blue with unshed tears. He knew that with Bones you had to be gentle sometimes, that pushing too hard would only cause her to retreat even further into herself, but this was one time that he couldn't play dumb. 'What are you asking me Bones?'

'What you said outside that interrogation room, about needing to be involved, I understand that now Booth. And if your offer is still on the chair, I would very much like for you to be the father of my child.'

TBC

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Thanks for reading, please let me know if you want me to continue.

laura


	5. Chapter 5

_I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and feedback, you guys make my day_

_Just a short chapter, I probably won't be able to update for a couple of weeks now as I'm off on vacation, but couldn't resist writing a bit more before I went!_

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Wow. There'd been many times in his life that he'd been left speechless by something Bones had said, but this one made all those others pale into insignificance. He wondered if maybe the tumor had come back, or if it was another bizarre dream, because he knew that there was no way he'd really heard Bones ask him to father his baby. He didn't trust himself enough to even try to respond to her, fearing that words would shatter what could only be a very realistic illusion.

He fought the urge to get excited and hopeful at her words, fearful of the devastation he knew he was going to feel when he realised that all this wasn't real. He'd already experienced grief, knowing that the baby they'd been expecting in his coma dream wasn't real, and he knew that he couldn't stand the disappointment again.

Parker was the happiest accident he'd ever had, there'd been no discussions with Rebecca beforehand about having a baby, both of them had been too caught up in the moment to even consider the possibility, and it had taken six weeks to even realise that she was pregnant. He'd never forget the day she told him that he was going to be a dad, the rush of emotions that seemed to come from nowhere, knowing that he'd helped to make a life. He couldn't remember ever being as happy as he'd been that day, right up until the moment Rebecca turned down his proposal.

He'd dreamed about having a child with Bones at least a hundred times over the last couple of years, more so since the coma, but each time he woke up he was left with the bitter reality that Bones didn't see him that way, that to her he'd always just be her partner and friend. This had to be another one of those dreams, but if it was it was so much more realistic.

He still hadn't turned to look at her, knowing that if he did he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions in check. He was grateful to her that she was showing incredible patience, not pressuring him into a decision or forcing him to talk. Bones always put herself down, claiming that she had no interpersonal skills, but he saw more in her than that. In his eyes, she was capable of showing great kindness and compassion, yes he admitted sometimes she lacked tact and discretion, but at other times she gave him a run for his money in the way she could interpret a situation.

He wanted to pinch himself to see if this was real. He guessed that it must have been at least five minutes since she'd last spoken, neither of them being brave enough to break the silence. He cleared his throat, trying to exert some control over his body, knowing he was going to have to speak sooner or later.

'It's _table _Bones,' he looked at her for the first time, noticing the confused look that crossed her face. 'You put your cards on the table.'

He waited for her response, knowing that he wasn't going to get one, not until he have her the response that he knew she deserved. It all came down to the decision; could he have a baby with Bones?

He remembered an appointment he'd had with Sweets once, another one of the stupid psychological games he'd had to play before Sweets would sign him back for duty. The game had been based around a number of decisions, each with their own consequences, both good and bad. He'd struggled with some of the questions, his gut arguing with his heart and his heart arguing with his brain. He'd been missing Bones, the one person who always knew how to break down a problem and produce the solution. He'd got frustrated and taken it out on Sweets, snapping at all of his comments and refusing to make a decision on any of the scenarios. Sweets had told him that some psychologists feel that the brain makes a decision instantly, but then the conscience steps in and reminds us of the consequences, blurring the answer and causing indecision. Sweets said that there was no such thing as a hard decision, only consequences that we don't like.

He tried to weigh up the pro's and con's in his head, and when that failed, he started to look at the consequence of each option. On the negative side, his relationship with Bones would never be the same, they wouldn't be able to work together the same way, there'd be no impromptu late nights at the bar, and then there was the possibility that a couple of years she meets someone and they step into the father role. The thought of someone else raising his child made him clench his fists in anger. He'd already gone through that with Parker, but he knew that if he did have a child with Bones, it would be so much worse, because not only would that new man be playing such a key role in his child's life, he'd also he taking Bones from him. But then on the other hand, they'd create a life, something that nothing in the world could beat.

He knew in his gut that he'd made his decision before she'd even asked the question the first time. If Bones was going to have a baby, he would fight with every last breath to make sure that that baby was his.

'Yes.' He felt like he should say so much more, but everything he needed to say was contained in that one word. He watched her face literally light up, her eyes glistening with tears that she didn't even try to fight. He wanted to open his arms to her, to pretend that this was a normal relationship and a normal proposition. There were so many questions still left to answer and logistics to work out, but all he wanted to do was take the woman that he loved, even if he'd never told her that, into his arms and hold her all night long.

She'd taken his initial silence as a rejection. She'd told herself before she'd asked him that she'd be ok, they'd be ok, even if he said no, but the longer the silence dragged on, the more convinced she was that she'd made a huge mistake. She'd nearly opened her mouth and told him to forget she'd said anything, but she didn't trust her voice not to give away the emotions she was feeling.

She'd been even more convinced he wasn't interested when he'd corrected her words, thinking he was just going to pretend that nothing had been said.

But then the moment she heard him say yes, she understood what people meant when they said they felt like they would explode from happiness. She was vaguely aware that she was crying, something she rarely allowed herself to do, and she couldn't remember ever crying because she was happy.

'Are you sure?' She needed to hear him say it again, and seeing him nod in agreement, she couldn't resist moving towards him and throwing her arms around his neck.

She felt relief from all of the emotions she'd kept bottled up over the last few months, so many emotions were running through her head, and she had to admit it, her heart, that she ignored her usual self restraint and hugged him closer to her, enjoying the feel of his body against hers.

There were so many discussions that they needed to have, so many questions to resolve before they could even consider taking things any further, but at that moment, all she wanted to do was hold him in her arms and feel rather than think. When he'd been in the coma, she'd felt like something had been taken away from her, even when he woke up she still felt that there was something missing, something that with just one word had fallen back into place.

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Thanks for your support, hopefully won't be too long before I update!


	6. Chapter 6

**First of all, big apologies about how long it's taken to update! Very sorry, real life got in the way, hopefully the next chapter won't take anywhere near as long!**

**Disclaimer – don't own the characters or the show, if I did they'd have hooked up a long time ago!**

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For a long time they sat there in silence, each of them trying hopelessly to process the millions of unanswered questions about how to move things forward, both a bit unsure as to whether the conversation was real or just a very realistic dream.

He'd contemplated having more children so many times in the past, knowing the second that Parker was born that nothing in life was more rewarding and inspiring that creating a new life. But each time he'd imagined it in the past, it had always been in the context of being in a relationship with a woman that he loved, there'd been no confusion about how it was going to happen or what it meant for their relationship.

He knew that in a lot of aspects people would say that he was in a relationship with Bones. They had formed such a close bond since they first started working together, spending a high percentage of their free time and working time together. They knew each other inside out, knew things about each other that they'd never considered telling anyone else, trusting each other to protect them. Sweets had smugly described their partnership as a surrogate relationship, and he supposed that for once Sweets did have a point, but in a relationship you're supposed to be able to tell each other anything, and this was their stumbling block, at least from his point of view. He knew that he'd never be able to tell her how he really felt, knowing that she would only push him away for fear of finally letting someone into her heart. He'd been so confident at one stage, ready to take the plunge and let her know how much she meant to him, but he couldn't get Cam's warning out of his head. He knew Cam was right, with Brennan it would need to be all or nothing, it wasn't like they'd be able to go back to being just friends if things didn't work out. If it came down to a choice of having all of her for a while but risking losing her forever, or keeping things as they are and admiring her from afar, well, he'd learnt his lesson back in the days when he was a gambling addict. He couldn't risk losing everything that they'd managed to build over the last five years, the stakes were too high. He'd just have to make do with whatever she was willing to give him, until she was finally ready to see what everyone else had seen for years.

Having a child together threatened to throw everything up in the air. Did she still want to go down the donor impregnation route, or was she suggesting that they do it the natural way? He found himself praying harder than he had in a long time that she was suggesting they move their relationship forwards, but he was almost scared to ask her, knowing the blow he'd feel at his inevitable rejection. He thought back to a conversation he'd had with Angela while he'd still been recovering from his operation, a few days after Bones had run away to South America. Angela had shown no hesitation in grilling him for information, wanting to know what was going on with the baby situation. She'd told him about the conversation she'd had with Bones before they found out about the tumor, when Bones had told her that she had no intention of her and Booth having a baby the natural way because of the emotional connection he was sure to feel. He'd tried to keep a poker face when Angela had told him that, but who was he kidding, Angela knew as well as he did that an emotional connection is exactly what he was hoping for.

He had no idea how long they'd both been silent for, holding each other tightly in a comforting embrace. He tried to contain his smile imagining what Bones would look like pregnant, even more perfect and beautiful in his eyes because it would be his baby growing inside her.

He knew that he should have said no, anyone in their sane mind would have rejected the situation outright, but when it came to Bones, he knew he acted a little crazy sometimes. Yes it was going to be a long journey and there were a thousand questions that the needed to get answers to before they could even think about going ahead, but that little ball of fear he'd felt inside his stomach was gradually being replaced by excitement, and he knew that together they'd figure it out.

* * *

She was the first to pull away, reluctantly releasing him from her arms and standing up, unconsciously straightening her clothes as if she was trying to pull back some control.

Even for a person with as high and IQ as her own, she was still struggling to come to terms with everything that had happened in the last hour. She didn't know it was possible to feel so exhausted but then energised at the same time. Her brain was telling her that there was too much information to process, that she needed some time to lie down and think things through, but then another part of her was so bursting with joy and happiness that she didn't want the feeling to end.

She'd been so convinced that he'd say no that she hadn't really thought things through to their conclusion. It was so unlike her, the hyper-rational scientist, to not have the answer to everything, she'd followed her instincts and her gut instead of plotting all of the variables first.

She knew they'd got a lot closer recently, that he was starting to mean so much more to her than anyone else in her life. Sometimes she'd found herself wondering what it would be like to pursue a proper relationship with him, to finally give in to her fears, but she knew that her fears were too good at holding her back. In their own ways, every person she'd ever allowed herself to get close to, to fully allow into her heart, had one by one abandoned her, leaving her to pick up the pieces alone. She'd gotten used to being alone, handling each rejection a little better than the one before, putting on a brave face and pretending that nothing was wrong, but she knew that she'd never be able to risk losing Booth. He'd become such a large part of her life, the thought of having it suddenly taken away made her feel nauseous; it was the one rejection she knew she would never be able to recover from.

He'd been stirred from his thoughts by her movement, and was looking up at her with those soulful eyes that always melted her resolve a little, not that she'd ever admit that to anyone. For the first time since he'd found that damn letter there was fire in his eyes again, the familiar twinkle was back, giving her confidence that somehow everything was going to work out.

* * *

'I can't tell you how much this means to me Booth.' She was stood looking down at him, trying hard to keep a straight face when he could tell that she was fighting off a smile. He couldn't help but feel a little hopeful with the way she was looking at him. He allowed himself to imagine a life of them together, of being free to tell her each and every day exactly how much she meant to him, of bringing up their child together, a proper family. 'I'll call the doctors surgery first thing tomorrow to establish if your sample is still viable or if you need to give a fresh donation.' Ouch. It was hard to believe just one sentence carried such a punch, knowing it was his own fault for getting his hopes up, but when it came to Temperance Brennan, he had a feeling he needed to prepare for a rollercoaster nine months.

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Just a short update so far, I've already got the next chapter planned so should hopefully be up in the next few days.

Sorry to everyone who wanted them to do it the natural way, but who knows what the future may hold………


	7. Chapter 7

Huge apologies about the delay, hope it was worth the wait! Thanks to everyone for the reviews, they really do make my day!

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It had been two months since they'd decided to try for a baby, in the non physical sense at least. Brennan had called the doctors office first thing the next morning, booking herself in for a precautionary check up and to confirm with the doctor that the sample Booth had given before his coma was still ok to use or whether it would be prudent to get a fresh sample.

They had barely discussed it since that first night, neither one of them wanting to put any questions out there that neither of them had an answer to. It was almost as if they'd come to an unspoken agreement that until there was a baby to discuss, they'd just pretend everything was business as usual.

After a lengthy discussion with her doctor, Brennan had decided on intrauterine insemination, where Booth's sperm would be injected through a catheter directly into her uterus. They'd debated for a while whether to use any fertility drugs to increase her chances of conception, but Brennan had decided against this option, preferring to try and conceive naturally, well, as naturally as it could be considering there was no sex involved.

As Booth's sample had been frozen, her doctor assured her that it would give her as good a chance of conception as any fresh sample, so rather than ask Booth to go through another trip to the sperm bank, which she knew had embarrassed him more than he'd ever admit, she agreed to use the original sample, and booked regular appointments to check her hormone levels and provisionally booking in three weeks later for the insemination. Her menstrual cycle had always been regular, she'd generally been able to tell to the day where she was in her cycle, so her doctor had been fairly confident that they'd be able to predict the best day for the insemination.

She'd been torn about whether to tell Booth about the appointment or not, the scientist part of her knowing that in all likelihood it would take a few attempts before they managed to conceive, but she kept coming back to the promise she'd made him to include him every step of the way. She'd eventually blurted it out at lunch in the middle of the diner, much to his embarrassment, giving him the choice about whether he wanted to accompany her or not. She couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness when he told her that there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

They'd sat in silence in the waiting room, both of them preoccupied with their thoughts, neither one of them daring to say anything aloud in case the other one was thinking the opposite. The nurse had called them through, and Brennan was a little surprised when Booth started to follow her into the procedure room. They hadn't discussed the specifics, but she found herself slightly uncomfortable at the thought that Booth would be seeing her in a particularly intimate way. She needn't have worried, as Booth remained a gentleman as always, making sure to remain at the top half of the bed and not even trying once to see what was happening.

It was over quickly, they weren't even in the room for half an hour, the whole time Booth had been sat at the side of her bed, trying to take her mind off the procedure by talking about their most recent case, squeezing her hand slightly whenever her face gave away the uncomfort she felt.

She'd been sent home with a leaflet explaining more about the process and an appointment booked in for two weeks later to determine if the insemination had been successful or not. Booth had insisted on taking her to the diner afterwards, trying his hardest to continue with business as usual, even though he felt like his feelings had been put through a blender. He wasn't sure what he should feel – one the one hand the woman he loved, albeit secretly, could possibly be pregnant with his child, but on the other hand she hadn't made any mention of the future, and had made it pretty obvious that just because they were possibly going to be parents, their relationship hadn't moved any further on from being 'just partners'. It would help if he had someone to discuss it with, but most of his closest friends were her friends too, and he guessed seeing as she wouldn't even talk about it with him, she wasn't going around telling anyone else. Just like so many other things in the last few years, he needed to talk to his best friend, but once again his best friend was the one person who he couldn't talk to. Yes he had friends outside of Brennan and the Jeffersonian, but not the kind of friends you could talk to about something as utterly life changing as this stood the possibility of being. Instead he kept it all inside, taking out his frustration on himself at the gym or on a particularly gruelling run.

* * *

The next two weeks had passed by in a blur, dominated by a particularly time consuming case which had left them with little opportunity to catch a breath never mind talk about the potential baby. The only thing different from normal was that for once she didn't even try to put up a fight when he insisted that they take regular meal and sleep breaks. He didn't even need to say the words 'for the baby', they both heard the implied meaning every time he told her it was time to go eat or sleep.

He'd caught himself watching her work a few times, trying to guess from the way she looked or spoke if she knew something he didn't. Her doctor had told her that she could take a pregnancy test if she wanted to know anything sooner than the appointment, but she'd assured both him and the doctor that she was more than capable of waiting, preferring to delay finding out but rather than risk getting an inaccurate result because of testing too soon. He hadn't had any idea Rebecca had been pregnant before she dropped that bombshell on him, changing his life immeasurably in just two words, not that he'd change it for anything.

Today was the day of the appointment where they'd both find out if they had been successful or not. She'd casually mentioned it earlier in the week, checking to make sure he'd cleared it with work that he'd finish two hours earlier. She'd made the appointment for late Friday afternoon, trying to make sure there was the minimal amount of disruption to their working day.

He knew his foot was tapping incessantly on the floor, another one of his nervous habits, but sitting in that waiting room, Bones sat next to him reading through one of her interns assignments, as if they were waiting for something menial rather than what could potentially be one of the most important tests in their lives, he couldn't help but show his nerves. He'd always known that she had an amazing capability to compartmentalise things, sometimes he even admired her for it, but he couldn't help but feel a little annoyed that this seemed to mean so little to her. He felt like each second was dragging on for an eternity, having arrived at the surgery ten minutes early as her insistence, but she was able to sit there and act as if they were simply waiting for a bus.

What he didn't notice was that she'd not turned the page in over five minutes, her eyes still focusing on the same line, forcing herself to look at the words, the anticipation getting almost too much for her. She willed herself to talk to him, to say anything at all, but she couldn't find the words to say what she was feeling, scared that she'd end up saying it all wrong. She'd been sorely tempted to cheat and buy a early cycle pregnancy test, she'd even found herself looking at all of the different options in the grocery store, but somehow she'd found the willpower to resist. Booth deserved to be there when she found out something what would arguably change his life as much as hers.

She was vaguely aware of someone calling her name and of Booth standing, offering down his hand to help her up. She allowed him to help her stand, instinctively keeping his hand gripped tightly in hers even after she was firmly on her feet. He smiled down at her, squeezing her hand briefly in his but not letting go like she'd expected. She used her free hand to put the papers away and grab her bag, her heart beating so rapidly in her chest in a way she'd never felt before. She couldn't believe that this was finally it, she would finally get the answer to the question that she'd never imagined she'd ask. Putting a brave smile on her face, she nodded to Booth and allowed him to escort her into the doctor's room to see if their lives had been changed forever.

* * *

'Dr Brennan, Mr Booth, please accept my apologies for the delay this afternoon.' They both smiled briefly at the doctor, grateful for his apology but wishing that he would get to the point. 'Now, as you're both aware, Dr Brennan provided a blood sample earlier this week, and also a urine sample. As we discussed when you first made the appointment, with this kind of procedure the success rate is around 10-20%. The samples that you provided have been tested her in our lab, but unfortunately Dr Brennan both samples tested negative for pregnancy.'

She could hear the words but her brain couldn't bring itself to focus on anything after the word 'negative'. As a scientist, this should have been something that she'd have expected, she'd known all along that the odds were stacked against them being successful first time round, but she couldn't deny that she'd never expected to fail. Her whole life she'd always been successful, achieving anything physically that she put her mind to. She'd thought that their genes would be enough to be successful, she'd been unable to resist getting her hopes up, believing that there was a baby growing inside her.

She was vaguely aware of Booth speaking to the doctor, standing up and shaking his hand. She wasn't ready to look at him yet, to face up to the fact that she had failed him once again, so she gathered up her things and headed for the door, not able to bring herself to speak to the doctor.

Luckily Booth seemed to pick up on her need to escape as soon as possible, opening the door for her and escorting her out of the office, walking through the waiting room which suddenly seemed to be full of expectant mothers. She walked to the car as quickly as she could, getting into the passenger seat without a word, sitting close to the door as if she was trying to put as much space between them as possible so that she could make space to build up some new walls. She could feel him looking at her, waiting for her to look at him, but she knew she couldn't, not if she wanted to stop the tears that kept on threatening to spill out of her eyes. 'Please take me home Booth.'

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Hi

I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouagement, it really means a lot to me! Now, on with the story.....................

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After dropping Brennan back home, Booth had driven around aimlessly, trying to process the day's events. He'd been hesitant to find out the results, knowing that in all likelihood the procedure would not have been a success, but actually hearing the word 'negative', he couldn't help but feel a little crushed.

He'd expected that they'd talk about it, try and come to a decision about how to move things forward, but the whole way home she hadn't even looked at him, never mind spoken to him. He'd tried conversation twice, but both times he'd spoken it was obvious she was too lost in her thoughts to even hear him.

He'd taken a detour on the way to her apartment, hoping that sometime in the extra ten minutes she'd give him some kind of sign that she was ready to talk, but after eventually pulling up outside her place, she'd jumped out of the car without even an acknowledgement.

That had been two days ago, two days in which he hadn't heard from her even once, and his calls had gone unanswered. Even on weekends they usually spoke at least twice a day, and he was torn between his fear that something had happened and his gut feeling that this was one of those times when he just needed to leave her to process it in her own way.

Knowing her as well as he knew himself, he could understand why this had affected her more than anyone would have thought. Temperance Brennan was not a person used to failure. Her whole adult like, she'd always achieved whatever she put her mind to, professionally and physically at least. He'd seen how excited she's been that day when he agreed to make a baby with her, her eyes showing him that this was something she'd wanted with every cell in her body.

He knew she thought she'd hidden it well in the next few weeks, but he could tell the changes in her. She'd greeted nearly everyone with a smile, giving her grad students much more praise and support than normal, eating regularly even without his prompting.

He could tell that in her mind, there was no possibility that the procedure was anything but a success, so to find out that she wasn't pregnant must have been devastating for her. He wanted to be with her, to support her and talk things through, but he respected her obvious wish to be left alone.

It surprised him to find her waiting in his office on Monday morning, reading through some case files ready for the court case they had to give evidence for that week. Anyone else looking at her wouldn't be able to tell that there was anything different to normal, but he could see that underneath the carefully applied make up she had the same dark circles that he did, that her eyes were missing the sparkle they'd had in recent weeks.

She proceeded to fill him in on the information he needed, not mentioning anything about the doctors appointment or the weekend, pretending that it was just an ordinary day and that the last month hadn't happened.

'I tried calling you this weekend Bones, I've been worried about you. Do you want to talk about this?' He sat next to her on the couch in his office, making sure there was space between them but wanting to show her that he was there for her.

'There is nothing to talk about Booth, as discussed before the insemination there was always the statistical probability that the procedure would be unsuccessful. I've spoken to my doctor and discussed the different options going forward, he's recommended that we attempt the IUI a few more times before starting to look at alternative options. However we have agreed that going forward we will use fresh samples rather than using the frozen samples from your last donation.' She was refusing to look at him, talking fast and staring straight down at the paperwork. It didn't take a genius to work out that she was putting on a brave face.

'Huh?' He was a little stumped at this one, he'd presumed that since she'd been so obviously avoiding him this past weekend, she'd also have been avoiding the discussion with anyone. He couldn't help but feel a little hurt that she'd already discussed this with her doctor, making decisions for them both.

'Who's 'we' Bones?' He could tell she didn't understand what he was saying. 'You said that 'we' have agreed to use fresh samples. Seeing as you've avoided me all weekend, I'm struggling to understand who 'we' is?' The penny had obviously dropped, she looked at him briefly before returning her eyes back to the case file, biting slightly on her lower lip the way she always did when she was fighting back her emotions. 'When we decided that we were going to go ahead and have a baby, we agreed that we would both be consulted every step of the way Bones. You making arrangements with your doctor without speaking to me first, that's not what we agreed.'

She was silent for the longest time, eyes still cast down and avoiding his, but he could tell that she'd heard him and that it had affected her. 'I apologise for my actions Booth, you are correct in that I have violated my end of the agreement.' Her voice was distant and controlled, not changing in tone or volume. He knew this voice, it was the voice she used when she was shutting down her feelings, building another layer to the brick wall she built to protect her heart. 'I understand that this means that our agreement is void.'

He instantly understood that she'd misinterpreted his words and thought that he was pulling out. 'That's not what I'm saying Bones, I just want to be included in each of the decision process.' He could tell that she wasn't convinced, that in her over rational brain she'd somehow come to the conclusion that he no longer wanted them to have a baby. 'I want to have a baby with you Bones, I want to be the one to father your child and be there for you both for the rest of our lives. It may not be a conventional arrangement, but I still want what you want, a little mini Bones with your brain and my heart.' She smiled at that one, finally releasing her lower lip, he could visibly see her relax. 'A little girl with your eyes, or a boy with my zygo-whatever-it's-called.'

He got a proper laugh at that one, and after what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes, she finally looked at him, not just a brief glance like what he'd got when he first walked in, but a proper look into his eyes, testing them to make sure that his eyes were telling her the same things as what she was hearing.

'Zygomatic. Although a prominent zygomatic works equally well on a female as on a male, in fact in many cultures, a prominent zygomatic is often more closely associated with females and is seem in many high profile models and actresses, for example Angelina Jolie has a well defined zygomatic…'

'Are you trying to tell me that I have girly cheekbones?' All of the tension from their earlier conversation had disappeared as they entered into their familiar banter.

'I am merely stating a known fact Booth, there's no need to get sensitive about having a facial characteristic most typically revered on females.'

'Well me and my girly cheekbones are still 100% committed to having a baby with you Bones. All I'm saying is that next time, please remember to discuss things with me before making arrangements with the doctor.' He reached out and took her hand in his, holding it lightly. 'So when's the next appointment?'.

'Two weeks tomorrow. In the meantime I've printed off some information about steps we can both take to try and improve the likelihood of conception.'

'Whoa, slow down there a second, what kind of steps? I thought everything had already been checked out, 28.8 million, remember? And I already have a kid, so we know that things down there are working perfectly fine'

'Yes Booth, I do remember, you felt that it was enough to start your own country, but I still feel that we should both try and be as proactive as possible. And also I would like to point out that Parker was conceived a number of years ago while you were still in your sexual prime, and studies show that sperm mobility decreases with age.'

There was nothing like discussing his sperm count and mobility to embarrass and annoy him. Even after five years of working with Bones, he still found it difficult to speak about sex around her, particularly when it was his little swimmers that were the topic of discussion. 'Fine. What do I need to do?' Knowing Bones to be a bit of a health nut, he dreaded hearing what he knew was bound to come next.

'To begin with research suggests that you should refrain from sexual activity in the days leading up to the donation.'

'Whoa, you can move on from that one Bones, you already know that I'm not currently sexually active so that's not going to be a problem. Do these things also apply to you?' Having barely discussed anything to do with the logistics of the pregnancy, they hadn't discussed sex or other people. He knew that in the past she'd had a few sexual partners that she'd kept hidden from him, knowing that he occasionally had a tendency to over-react. He'd presumed that she wasn't seeing anyone at the moment, and the thought that she could be with another man at the same time as trying to make a baby with him made him feel physically sick.

'Sexual activity in females does not affect fertility in the same way as a male Booth, as the number of eggs released in each cycle remains the same regardless of the frequency of intercourse.' He was acutely aware that she'd managed to both answer his question and not answer his question at the same time, but he couldn't figure out of she'd been intentionally coy or if she really was oblivious as to what he was trying to ask her. 'But when I was referring to sexual activity I wasn't just referring to sexual intercourse. How often do you masturbate Booth?'

Even if he could find the words to even try and answer that question, but brain and mouth didn't seem able to work together. In all the time they'd worked together, she'd mentioned masturbation a few times, but never so bluntly as to ask him how often he did the deed.

'I can see from your reaction that you are not comfortable answering that question, so instead I will just ask that you limit your masturbation so that there is a gap of at least three days between two consecutive ejaculations, in order to preserve the density of your semen.'

He honestly could not believe that he was sat in the office, with the door open so that anyone could come in and hear their conversation, discussing how frequently he was able to relieve his tension.

'Moving on, I would also recommend that in the weeks leading up to your donation you refrain from alcohol consumption, which can cause an increase in your estrogen level and affect sperm count. '

Wow, not only was she telling him the frequency of masturbation, she was not putting limits on his beer? If it had been anyone else trying to dictate so much of his life, he'd have put them in their place straight away, but knowing how much this meant to her, he simply nodded. Who was he kidding anyway, he knew that he loved this woman so much that he'd gladly walk to the end of the earth for her.

'We're running out of time and I can see that you're slightly uncomfortable discussing this, so rather than discuss the rest of the suggestions, I'll forward them to you when I get back to my office.' She packed away the case file she still held in her hand and stood up, unknowingly smoothing down her dress so that he could see the outline of her brilliant figure. 'Are you ready to go the the courthouse now?'

He would never be able to understand how she could so easily go from discussing something as personal as his masturbation frequency to work within the same sentence. He knew that the whole day he wouldn't be able to get the conversation from his mind.

'Oh, one last thing Booth… Thank you…. For everything, I just wanted to say thank you.'

With just one sentence he could forgive her anything, and it reminded him of the reasons why he was putting up with all of this embarrassment. He knew there'd be a lot more personal discussions to come, and knowing Bones she had no problem bringing them up in the most unlikely of places, but for the prize of actually making a baby with her, he knew he would put up with anything.

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Thanks for reading guys, reviews are very appreciated!


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